No idea what Mr Mouse was going on about.
Cat calling is not a compliment and bad summer is a mood.
Two months after I moved into my beloved little apartment, it was time for the Verve Letter to move to a new home as well. So be prepared for some trials and errors while I familiarize myself with this new platform.
Okay, so the plan for this week was to write about the good men out there. The “male allies”, you know. Because they do exist, I have met a few! But then I went out for a run and here we are, talking about street harassment instead. And I can’t believe we still have to talk about it in a post #MeToo world, just cannot fathom that it is still so omnipresent in our lives.
I mean the cat calling, the comments thrown at you in passing, the invasion of your personal space (especially now!) and the awkward, relentless approaches. The annoying stuff and the threatening stuff. All of which I experienced within a single one-hour-run. All of which, and worse, I have experienced a gazillion times in the last 15 years, and I’m sure so have you.
Actually, I’d rather not talk about it, but ask a few questions. Like: Why do we so often brush these things off as something that just comes with being a woman? Or worse, why do we (want to?) believe the men who claim their harassment is good-natured or – the classic – a “compliment”? Why do we politely smile and say “sorry, I have a boyfriend” when approached in public?
The last question is easy to answer, but the answer is deeply troubling: Because as women, we know that a man who has already crossed our boundaries and feels entitled to our attention, will not accept a simple “No”. That kind of man, however, will respect the property of another man.
Saying “I have a boyfriend” is our “get out of jail free”-card, when we find ourselves in a potentially threatening situation. Silvia Follmann unpacked this for Edition F, and I’m loosely translating from German: “In the end, we surrender to the fact that in the patriarchy, a woman’s will is only respected if it leads to a friendly agreement.” Basically: In a system, which still sees women as objects instead of independent subjects, saying “I have a boyfriend” is the simple act of trading in autonomy for safety.
As Follmann also says, simply erasing this sentence from our defense-vocabulary is not going to change anything. Change has to happen on a more basic, systematic level – and I wonder, if #MeToo couldn’t spark that change, what can?
Concerning the first two questions – if you also sometimes wonder whether you’re overreacting, if those guys really are just trying to be nice: No, you’re not and no, they’re not.
If you need a reminder why, I invite you to read this Guardian feature on pickup artists. Author Sirin Kale shadowed two men during their pickup-artist training and concludes early on that she is not witnessing “flirting”, but textbook street harassment. Kale also talks to Dr Bianca Fileborn, who researches gendered street harassment. Fileborn explains perfectly, why you’re not overreacting:
“This behaviour has a profoundly negative impact on women. It’s often excused as flirting, or seen as good-natured. And on the individual incident level, I can understand why you might think that: someone came and spoke to you in the street, what’s the big deal? But for many women, these aren’t one-off experiences, but are repeated constantly, often from childhood. They add up. I don’t think men live with this experience of being intruded upon and having people feel entitled to your time.”
Now, if a man asks you “what’s the big deal?” ever again, just forward this:
Moving on: pop culture! My recommendations this week include mostly podcasts, because I’m in a bit of a reading rut and when I’m on Netflix I simply watch reruns of Modern Family or Hart of Dixie. Don’t judge.
The Dropout: Six episodes on Elizabeth Holmes, founder of Theranos and possible the greatest con woman of our time. It’s the story of a 20-year-old college dropout who deceived the entire Silicon Valley and many, many highly intelligent people. I binged the entire podcast in one day, it’s SO incredibly well produced (and the story is crazy, too).
Table Manners is (physically) back together! Jessie Ware and her mum are re-united in their backyard and do you know who else is there? Mel C.! Possibly the most down to earth of all the Spice Girls, yet still fierce, and just an overall fantastic person. What a treat!
Daniel Levy on WTF with Mark Maron: I tore through the first five season of Schitt’s Creek in no time (I had two weeks off, okay?) and before heading into the final season I listened to this wonderful interview with Daniel Levy. He created the show together with his Dad and also plays David, my favorite TV character of possibly all the times.
Not a podcast, but a newsletter: The Invisible Women newsletter by Caroline Criado Perez (yes, she also wrote that book) is the best thing in my inbox to date. Every week, she explains another (pretty horrifying) gender data gap, while also being incredibly funny, aaand she includes puppy pictures. Whole package.
🇩🇪 Wer mir auf Instagram folgt, weiß, dass ich ein großer Fan des aktuellen SZ Magazins bin. Das Interview mit Autorin Rebecca Solnit und ganz besonders auch das Porträt von Isabell Werth und ihrem “Seelenpferd” Bella Rose, sind einfach absolute Knaller. Wer kein SZ+ hat, kann beide Artikel auch einzeln bei meinem Ex-Arbeitgeber Blendle erwerben (Reminder: guter Journalismus kostet Geld).
Last, but so not least, I want to share a piece of writing, which is so good it’s worth including twice (if you remember me sharing it last year, you were one of my very first subscribers! ❤️). I’m talking about Helena Fitzgerald’s musings on “bad summer”. It’s that time of year again, we mourn the summer but the next season is also not quite here yet and everything just feels a bit ugh:
“That’s the thing about bad summer: You need to do the next thing already, you have been here too long, you are idling in the car outside of a door where someone is late and you are double-parked, you were supposed to have left already. This time of years feels dangerously like nothing counts, as though in the middle of a road the road had turned into a swamp. Might as well do whatever you want, or nothing at all.”
Alright my friends, what do you think about the new design? Yay or nay? Are my ramblings too long? Too short? Lagom? Should I include less gifs/tweets/images? No such thing as too many? Tell me what you think! 💌
I’ll let you get on with your week now.
Until next time,