I hate spring. And over the past decades I have learned that this is not a socially acceptable sentiment. Whenever I express my negative emotions towards the months of April and May, people look at me the way I look at someone who just told me they hate dogs. Deeply, personally offended.
But it’s true, spring has always been my least favorite of all the seasons. I’d rather have twelve months of November in a row than four weeks of April, or even just one more day of May.
Am I being dramatic? Yes. Do I mean what I say? Every word.
But why, you ask? It’s so green and lush, and the sun sets much later, and everyone’s outside and we can go strawberry picking – what’s not to love? Oh, I’ll tell you.
One word: Pollen. Nature’s devil dust.
In Germany, the term “hay fever” is still in widespread use and I suspect this is why pollen allergy is not taken seriously. Hay fever – that sounds so cute! It sounds like someone doing a little bunny sneeze while they stop to smell the flowers. Coincidentally, that’s exactly what young, conventionally attractive women do in ads for allergy medication. For most hay feverists, that scene couldn’t be farther from reality.
Take me out for a picnic in the park, and I’ll show you what hay fever actually looks like: I’ll squint at you through watery eyes and will only hear half of the conversation because I’m really fucking busy forcing the minimum amount of oxygen required to keep me upright through very swollen sinuses. I try hard to not make my breathing sound labored and I keep thinking about how many times per hour I can blow my nose before you think I’m gross and did I pack enough tissues and oh god, is my nose dripping and how on earth do I discreetly scratch the roof of my mouth? Also, my head hurts.
That’s what pollen does to you. But wait, there’s more!
I can’t really exercise outside during peak allergy season, because when my sweaty skin comes into contact with pollen, it breaks out in hives. I constantly have a bad conscience for not being outside enough when the weather is nice. I can’t eat my favorite fruits and veggies, because there’s a phenomenon called “cross-sensitivity”. So, when I munch on a raw carrot, within minutes I get so itchy I’ll want to scrub the inside of my mouth with sandpaper.
I can take antihistamines, sure, but that’s choosing between a rock and a hard place. Taking antihistamines is really good if you have trouble falling asleep, because they’ll knock you out right away. It’s not great when you have to be conscious the next day though.
That’s why all throughout spring, I’m praying for days of endless rain like a farmer. Or if it doesn’t rain, then maybe it can at least be cold-ish and overcast, so that nobody wants to hang out in the park? That’d be nice.
Because the worst part of allergies is not the sneezing, itching and aching. It’s that nobody cares. Conveying the struggle of hay fever to someone who is on good terms with pollen sometimes feels like talking to men about menstrual cramps. The amount of times I have heard “oh, so it’s JUST hay fever, I thought you were actually sick” is wild. It seems to be really hard to relate to.
Sure, there are a million things in this world which are worse than a pollen allergy, but this is my party and I’ll cry about whatever I like. And now please excuse me, I have to find a new pack of tissues.
topic of the week
The Roe v. Wade discussion has dominated public discourse over the past week, even here in Germany. I have no insights to add to this conversation, other than I am deeply shocked that women’s bodily autonomy is still up for debate.
I have just been trying to get my facts straight, and found that Lyz Lenz remains a valuable resource for this (I mean, she wrote a book about it), and have also appreciated everything “The Daily” has put out over the past week. Especially, for non Americans: Background on the actual Roe v. Wade case (part one and part two).
pop culture pleasures
Heartstopper on Netflix is a very cute feel-good watch about queer teenagers with an excellent closing scene centering Olivia Coleman. The only thing that really bothered me: In a show that appears to be celebrating diversity, the one fat kid in the show is also the only character who doesn’t get a love story. Why?
Reconsidering the Spice Girls: How Manufactured Girl Power Became Real. Eye-opening read and a much belated hats off to the Spice Girls.
For an episode of Reply All, Emmanuel Dzotsi called every single person in his phone’s contact list. Including the Bumble matches he ghosted. This assignment would be my absolute nightmare, which is also why I enjoyed listening to it so much.
This podcast conversation between Marian Keyes and Adam Buxton about life, love and mental health, on the other hand, is very wholesome and comforting. “Wait it out” is sometimes all you can do, and all that you have to do.
Have you seen the “Liver King” on your socials yet? If not, lucky you. GQ profiled the guy who thinks American men are not toxic (excuse me, alpha) enough and who, ironically, is too toxic (excuse me, alpha) for even Joe Rogan.
Something the Liver King would never eat: Gummy bears. For the 100th anniversary of gummy candy, NYT took an entertaining deep dive into the universe of the most popular candy.
“This conversation will change how you think about trauma” – promises Ezra Klein. And he is right.
And if you have been wondering whether you should see a therapist, this The Shift podcast episode will tell you. (Ultimately, the answer will be yes – because who doesn’t need re-parenting?).
How to handle a lopsided friendship and when to let go.
This is all for today, thank you so much for indulging my pollen rant.
Until next time,
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Inwards/Onwards #8
Trust me, you're not an imposter
To those of you who regularly sign off e-mails with “looking forward to your feedback” – what exactly do you mean? Be honest. Ok, I’ll go first. What I usually mean is: “Looking forward to hearing how much you loved my work.”
Just kidding.
Or am I?