Don't make plans for Friday Night
Hi friend!
Over the past weeks I have devoted this space to several weighty feminist topics. While I can (and will!) talk about these issues til the cows come home, I also want to create some balance and give me a breather. So today we turn to another big, important f-word. Friendship.
Let's take it from the top: making friends. Yikes. I know. It's not that easy anymore, once you hit adulthood and every person you meet is either "crazy busy" or seems to have enough friends already (spoiler: no such thing as enough friends). Striking up a conversation with strangers is pretty terrifying for most of us, which is why enjoyed this hands-on listicle on making connections as an adult. What I liked even more than the tipps is how the comments section turned into one big, heart-warming notice board of people setting up friend dates.
Ok, once you meet new people – how do you actually turn them into friends? Is there a magic trick? Yes, according to this Medium piece. Adrian Drew suggests that you can make friends with anyone by doing just two things: opening up and showing genuine interest in the other person.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” — Dale Carnegie
What this means is: Bench your own ego, stop talking about yourself and instead showing the other person that you care about their life. A surefire way to break down barriers, according to Drew.
Alright, you met people, turned them into friends – now what? Well, the being a compassionate listenner advice still applies, but there is one more thing. Don't be a flake. When you make plans with your friends, keep them. This is so much easier said than done. I have been on both sides of flaking in the past week and they felt equally shitty. Therefore, I absolutely loved Rachel Miller's short article about "how to adjust plans so you actually keep them".
She recommends, for example, not making plans too far in advance – especially not for a Friday night. Friday night plans, Miller says, are the ones most likely to be cancelled. How true is that? How many times have you sent the "Please don't hate me, but ..." text, because the stress of the week finally caught up with you and demanded "me-time"? We're all guilty here. (If Friday is your date of choice, start early so you don't have time to go home.)
🇩🇪 Es gibt allerdings auch Verabredungen, die man niemals absagen würde, auch nicht freitags. Welche? Die mit deinen "Quartalsfreund*innen". Über Lieblingsmenschen, die man zwar nur alle Vierteljahre trifft, für die man dann aber alles stehen und liegen lässt, schreibt die wunderbare Lara Fritzsche in ihrer aktuellen SZ-Magazin Kolumne:
"Denn das Schöne an einer Vierteljahrsfreundschaft ist ja, wie sorgsam man mit ihr umgeht. Während man im Alltagsverabredungsmodus ständig »Kann leider nicht« in die WhatsApp-Gruppen hackt, (...), will ich zu ihr immer Ja sagen." Und was das Allerschönste an diesen Verabredungen ist? Man unterhält sich über die wirklich wichtigen Dinge.
"Wer sich nur alle drei Monate sieht, fragt ja nicht, ob der Partner inzwischen endlich die Pfannen weggespült hat. Man fragt anders, mehr so: Bist du glücklich? Kannst du im Beruf etwas tun, was dich wirklich erfüllt? Sollte man alles versuchen, um am Meer zu leben?"
Dem ist nicht mehr viel hinzuzufügen, außer ein ganz lieber Gruß an Anna T., die gestern kurz vor Ablauf unseres Quartals spontan für ein ausgiebiges Frühstücksdate bereit stand. Und, dass die Antwort auf die letzte Frage selbstverständlich ein deutliches hell yes ist. 🌊
🎧 My biggest #popculturepleasure of last week was definitely the start of the sixth season of "How to Fail", Elizabeth Day's amazing podcast. In her first episode, she talks to Camilla Thurlow, a woman I had never heard of before, but this got me hooked: She is a bomb disposal expert turned Love Island TV star.
Thurlow is anything but your cliche reality TV contestant though. She is incredibly thoughtful, genuine, eloquent and courageous. Her moving thoughts on how quickly we lose our sense of self when we try to impress the people closest to us gave me goose bumps while I was running. That was a first! Cannot recommend this episode enough.
⭐️ Have I gotten you into the beauty of newsletters yet? Good, because I'd like to recommend one of my absolute favorites: Sophia Benoit's advice column "Here's the Thing". The GQ writer takes on one question per newsletter and gives witty advice that is not only useful but will also make you laugh out loud. Example? This is Benoit tackling the "I think my standards are too high to find a man" issue:
"It can be very, very difficult as a person who is dating men to feel like your standards aren’t too high because men are constantly lowering the bar in new, creative ways (remember when people got excited that John Legend helped Chrissy Teigen take a necklace off when she was drunk? The standards are low enough!)."
Maybe you are now feeling inspired to recommend this newsletter to your family, friends and neighbors? I certainly wouldn't mind.
Thanks for tuning in and have a lovely week,
Anna