How you doin?
Hi friend!
Is your life as happy, fun and grand as it looks on your social media? No, of course not (don’t lie). Neither is mine. But is that a problem? Are we all phonies? This question has been on my mind for a while now and together with my gals Pandora and Jameela, I think I have finally come close enough to an answer.
Tl; dr: No, we're not phonies. We can never achieve authenticity on social media anyway.
Pandora Sykes is a British journalist, co-host of the best podcast ever and has an impressive instagram following. Earlier this year she wrote a piece for Manrepeller in which she discusses the struggle of not wanting to seem "fake" while still protecting her privacy and not "baring her soul" to 250k strangers, as she calls it.
"Just as I am not sharing all of the bad stuff, I’m also not sharing all of the good stuff. I don’t want to curate a shiny social-media version of my life (...) But I also don’t want to write long, broken narratives about various issues I face because I do not want to invite conversation into what I am still figuring out. It’s delicate. It’s fragile. It’s mine."
While Sykes is finding a way to bypass the pitfalls of a personal social media presence, Jameela Jamil is turning instagram into a powerful force of good. The actress does recognize the dangers of the network, but she also firmly believes in its capacity to help drive change, empower women and harness the power of community: "Slowly but surely we are wising up to the pitfalls of social media and coming together in groups to dismantle the insincerity and comparison porn of it all." (Love the term "comparison porn"!).
🎧 I strongly encourage you to tune into Emma Gannon's interview with her on the CTRL ALT DELTE podcast. Jamil does not only talk about community and social media, but also about how she has started to approach life the way her boyfriend does – and how this has massively changed her life.
For what it's worth, I think they both have a point. I often find Instagram to be a source of positivity and inspiration on a personal level – as long as I'm staying within the lines of my carefully curated feed (staying clear of comparison porn!). Simultaneously, I think it's important to remind ourselves frequently that we do not owe anyone an unfiltered broadcast of our everyday on social media – and that we'll never be authentic online anyway. Ever.
⭐️ Speaking of the pitfalls of social media (this is what we call a "Schweineüberleitung" in German), I'd like to recommend this piece of world class journalism:
New York Times reporter Jack Nicas investigated a fraud that has flourished on Facebook, where scammers impersonate American soldiers to cheat lonely women out of their money (lots of money!). It lead him all the way to (surprise!) Nigeria and to the distressing conclusion that neither the world's largest social network nor the world's most powerful military can stop this madness. It's a must read. (You can also read it on Blendle for 19 cents).
I'm determined to stay on topic today, so Iet me end this newsletter with Zulie Rane's thoughtful Medium-piece on how to maintain friendships in the age of social media. I like how she points out that seeing only the "highlight reels" of our friends' lives on screen can compromise our compassion.
"It’s hard to be friends with someone when all you see is their highlight reel: their ups and even higher ups (...) There’s only so much success you can see in your friends, unmoderated by the day-to-day inanities we all experience, without starting to feel at least a little jealous."
So, send a text, set a date for a call, and check in how your friend is *really* doing. And if you're too busy to call or text (no one is ever too busy to text, let's be honest) – send a meme for now. They are "a low-commitment, high-result way to keep up with friends", says Zulie.
Alright then, happy Meme-Monday and have a fantastic week!
Anna