"Funny doesn't sag"
Hi friend,
in my corner of the world we are in week four of social distancing. But if you told me it was week 472, I would believe you.
In the last Verve Letter, I wrote about how my friends are my beacons of light during this crisis – and I have never gotten more replies to a newsletter. So I decided to write it up in a more permanent, bit longer, slightly updated (anyone else have zoom fatigue?), Medium article. Feel free to read, like and share it.
In the article, I quote Emma Jane Unsworth, who also wrote about friendships during Lockdown for Grazia. She compares our constant need for communication to a relay, in which we take turns carrying the "support baton", depending on who in our circle needs some lifting up and who can do the lifting. I loved that image.
I had originally planned to build today's newsletter around the issue whether a global crisis is the right moment to urge people to be more productive or creative. However, I find it really difficult to think straight right now and also believe this to be a very bubble-specific debate. I think much more people are working harder than ever now, or doing immense care work at home – or both (I salute you!) and only comparatively few people are idling away on their yoga mats.
I personally would appreciate if the people with so much wonderful free time and spacious balconies would just enjoy it quietly, outside of social media (I learned the term "smugsolating" yesterday, and: 💯), but if they don't: hit mute.
So, instead of straight thoughts on one topic I can only offer you plenty of scattered thoughts on things I have read, watched or listened to lately.
⭐️ I inhaled Holly Bourne's novel "How Do You Like Me Now" in just a few days. It's the story of 31-year-old self help author Tori, who is stuck in an emotionally abusive, sexless, relationship with her longterm narcissistic boyfriend and who loses her friends one by one to weddings and babies. Essentially, it's a book about the eternal millennial issue: finding yourself turning 30 and realizing that your life is not panning out as society and/or social media dictates. Full of hilarious and often painfully true observations, I could relate to almost everything.
⭐️ And as I do when I really love a book, I search for interviews with the author, preferably podcasts. I loved Holly's candid talk with Hannah Witton on the "Doing it" podcast. In it, Holly vowed to never write a female character who can come through penetration alone (because more than 75% of women can't) – what a great service to womankind! Especially as she writes a lot of teenage novels and you can't teach them early enough, right?
⭐️ This Independent article by Annie Lord really ties in with one of the premises of "How Do You Like Me Now". What happens to female friendships when a man enters the scene? Usually, nothing good – Annie uses the movie Frances Ha as a sounding board for her own experience and it's just brilliant writing.
⭐️ The happiest of pop culture news (ok, "news") of the week for me was no doubt the return of The High Low. My favorite podcast in the world is back after a four month break – and it returns not only with one, but two episodes per week! I think the reason why I'm so drawn into this show is that I'm intensely jealous of the kind of friendship that Dolly and Pandora share.
You know, finding that one person who is always on par with you, no matter if it's articles, books, TV shows, podcasts, and who never tires of analyzing Little Women with you – that person is probably harder to find than the guy you want to shag for the rest of eternity. Anyhow. If you need some more very eloquent and smart recommendations for books, articles or shows, just tune in here or here.
⭐️ I'm incredibly late to the party, but I have finally watched Big Little Lies. It's every bit as sensational as everyone says, but I do think it needs to come with a big, flashing trigger warning for domestic violence. My god, season one really caused me some sleepless nights. On the bright side: The soundtrack! Californian melodrama all the way. For all my German subscribers: You can currently get a Sky Ticket trial subscription (two months for 9,99), which should give you enough time to watch both seasons.
⭐️ Coincidentally, right after I finished the last episode of Big Little Lies, Pandora Sykes recommended the longest Vanity Fair portrait of Reese Witherspoon. There are a lot of reasons to love Witherspoon, so just pick one: Her intelligence, her humor, her pragmatic take on empowerment ("you have power, you share power"), her focus on female collaboration, her love for good writing – or the best line in the whole piece: "Funny doesn't sag". Backstory: She says she never wanted to be viewed as just another pretty face, because pretty doesn't last (it seems to last for her, though, AND she's funny, but nobody said life was fair):
"I always just wanted to be funny, you know? And you can’t be rendered obsolete if you just keep being funny. Guess what gets rendered obsolete? Your boobs go south, your face goes south, your ass goes south, but you can always be funny."
Listen to the audio version of the article if you don't feel like a long read.
⭐️ While researching Holly Bourne, I stumbled upon the Grazia Life Advice Podcast. Don't be fooled by the lame title, it's actually pretty amazing. Each episode is around 30 minutes long and features one badass woman who dishes out six pieces of hands-on life advice. It's truly inspirational and you can take something useful away from every episode. Downside: The podcast ended sometime in 2019, but the archive is bursting with uplifting episodes, so – happy digging! Some of my personal favorites: Deborah Frances-White, Bryony Gordon and, no surprises here, Holly Bourne and Dolly Alderton.
⭐️ One more piece on friendship: Bustle sourced the best tipps for maintaining long distance friendships in hard times from writers Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman. It's about the little things, about prioritizing people who don't feel like chores and about the perks of distance:
"My world would be so much smaller if everyone I knew were the people around me. (...) To know that there’s someone far away who thinks about you will keep me going for the rest of my life."
Ann Friedman also writes a phenomenal newsletter, by the way.
🇩🇪 Wer Lust auf einen sehr klugen, sehr unterhaltsamen und ja, sehr langen, Text über Liebe und Dating, toxische Beziehungen und die emotionale Macht der Männer, über "Neediness" und Bridget Jones hat, dem empfehle ich diesen Beitrag von Lina auf ihrem Little Feminist Blog.
Alright my friends, I hope that these recommendations will see you through the next couple of weeks. What are your watching, reading or listening to?
Hang in there,
Anna
PS: Sharing is caring ❤️