The internet has officially failed women
Hi friend,
there has been one topic and one topic only in the past week and it would feel wrong to not acknowledge Coronavirus here as well. If you are, like me, in the very privileged position of being able to work from home, you are probably looking at a few weeks of self-isolation. The internet is full of of tips and tricks of how to "survive" this (not a fan of the doomsday language around staying on your sofa, to be honest), but I personally am still looking for the answer to one question: Is social media a blessing or a curse in this time?
No doubt, digitalization in general is an absolute blessing, as it enables many of us to work remotely and stay informed. And if social media did only what it was designed to do, it would keep us all warm and fuzzy inside, because it would be nothing but our lifeline to our friends and family.
However, there are so many people on the networks creating panic by spreading misinformation, equally as many people flaunting their egocentrism and ignorance – and all of them are hit with a tsunami of hateful comments. The latter is particularly horrid if the author of the original post happens to be a woman.
Yes, being trolled happens to men too, but the greatest difference between the hate mail that men and women get is that women are attacked on a much more personal level. If a man voices his opinion, the trolls will attack his opinion. If a woman voices her opinion (no matter the topic), the trolls will attack her body, the way she dresses, her relationships and, as of lately: her fertility.
Vicky Spratt wrote about how she got sent pictures of empty egg cartons in response to a report she wrote on the so-called men's rights' activism. Men were quoting fake statistics of how many viable eggs she had left at 31 and what a shame that she wasted her child bearing years with pursuing "a silly college degree and dumb career".
I find it deeply unsettling how many men are out there, who feel threatened by women speaking up. Who feel so entitled to the male dominance of public discourse that they attack random women on the internet in the most repulsive ways. And what I find even more unsettling is that we, as a society, as women, still brush this of as: 'it's only trolls, its only online, ignore it!'. Are we forgetting that these spiteful comments are typed by actual human beings, aimed to hurt and silence other actual human beings? As Spratt says:
"We belittle the pain caused by ghosting in online dating and we denigrate the severity of a rape threat made to a woman MP on Twitter. But in truth, these are human behaviours and because we spend so much time on the internet, what takes place there is as real as any other interaction we have in our day-to-day lives."
The extent to which women face online abuse has become so great that even the inventor of the world wide web, Sir Tim Berners-Lee, is shocked. He went on record last week and acknowledged that "the web is not working for women and girls". He spoke about a "dangerous trend" in online abuse and biased AI which exacerbates discrimination instead of leveling the playing field.
Berners-Lee calls for stricter laws which hold online abusers to account and for companies and platforms to make this issue a priority – because what happens online is just as real and harmful as what happens out on the streets. Especially in times of Corona, he says, the internet should be a lifeline, but right now, it's everything but a safe space for women and girls. I'm glad that the godfather of the world wide web is recognizing this issue as what it is: a disaster. Now that he's put it on the agenda of politicians, let's see what happens.
I, for once, have signed out of Twitter and Facebook, and am trying to limit my Instagram exposure to nature photography and feminist accounts – without reading the comments. Times are trying enough as they are.
Staring into the abyss of male online hatred, I'm inclined to use the hashtag #menaretrash. But a) this hashtag is very 2018 and b) what is also true: #notallmen. As a straight woman, feminism can be quite the conundrum: How do you fight the patriarchy while actually liking men? And by liking I mean wanting to take their clothes of.
I have pondered this question before, but not as eloquently as Phoebe Malt Bovy in her phenomenal essay for The Globe and Mail. She says that "wishing away men is not liberation, but erotic self-censorship" and that it impacts women more than men. The solution, she suggests, could be to shift the conversation away from woman-as-desirable towards an acknowledgement of woman-as-desirer. Please just go and read the whole thing, there's so much food for thought in it.
⭐️ Ok, are we ready for some #popculturepleasures to fight the self-isolation blues? Here we go:
📺 I'm currently watching season three of "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel". Although I feel like the storyline has run its course and unsuccessfully tries to add a Netflix-esque wokeness to the show, it's still ultimate feel-good-material. And Midges' comedy sets just keep getting better and better. My favorite one is from episode three, when the topic is failure (spoiler!):
"Failure is how we grow. Actually, it's how men grow. It's how women shrink. Women are not allowed to fail. And when we finally get an opportunity to do something that isn't normally done by our sex, we get one chance. One. How come men fail and people say, 'you gave it the old college try.' But women fail and they say 'you gave it the old college try – but you shouldn't be in college'."
🐢 I just finished John Green's new book "Turtles All The Way Down" and LOVED it. It's a young adult novel, but quite a heavy one. It takes us deep into the mind of a 16-year-old girl who suffers from tormenting thought spirals brought on by her O.C.D.. It's a story about teenage friendship, loss, first love and, above all, mental health. It's full of beautiful imagery and might have the most moving closing paragraph ever written.
🎧 "Sentimental Garbage" is my new favorite literature podcast. In it, Caroline O’Donoghue takes a second look at great novels by women which have previously been dismissed as ‘chick-lit’ (love this premise!). I particularly enjoyed the episode on "Eat Pray Love" by Liz Gilbert, a book that is often belittled but holds so much truth. Dig through her archives and I'm sure you'll find some of your favorite reads being discussed as well.
📺 The Lily has published a list of 31 female-led TV shows and movies to watch if you're self-quarantined. I personally approve this list – mostly because it starts with Fleabag and ends with Gilmore Girls.
🇩🇪 Für verlässliche und besonnene Experteninfos rund ums Thema Corona empfehle ich das Coronavirus-Update des NDR mit Christian Drosten. Keine Panikmache, aber klare Ansagen. Mehr braucht ihr nicht, um Bescheid zu wissen.
I'm finally all talked out for today. If this self-isolation thing continues I might start writing books instead of newsletters.
But for now stay at home, stay healthy, and have a good week!
Anna
⚠️ PS: From this week on, this newsletter will be on a bi-monthly publication schedule. I want to write more long form and will use the non-newsletter weekends to work on other stuff that then may or may not go up on Medium or Im Gegenteil. Cool? Cool.