🙊 Use the mute button to save friendships
Hi friend,
last week I dove deep into the perils of social media, especially Instagram, and today I would like to pick up on one point in particular. In the last newsletter I wrote that I had unfollowed a lot of Instagram accounts which made me feel bad about myself. But that does not mean that my feed is free from comparison porn or negativity. Yes, it is easy to unfollow people you have never met. But what about those people who you have an actual (pleasant) offline relationship with, yet whose online selves are, well, annoying?
You know who I am talking about: Friends, who broadcast their daily gym sessions, third cousins who just had a baby and cannot control the mommy content or co-workers who throw it back to their wedding for years on end.
Most of these people will be offended if you downright unfollow them. I would. I am! It just feels like cold-hearted rejection The solution? In this Medium piece, Jess Thoms pleads to mute everyone, who doesn't spark joy.
"If unfollowing is a cardinal sin, then muting is the secret tunnel out. (...) Muting someone is knowing you have to maintain a digital relationship, but respecting your energy enough to secretly cleanse yourself of it."
Now, on the one hand, muting is an even crappier, much more cowardly way of rejection. But, on the other hand, muting will save friendships as well as your own mental health. It can be a win-win. Or, as comedian Sam Higgins put it: “I mute ,but I like to think of it in the same light as avoiding bringing up irreparable climate change at a wholesome family event ― good for everyone involved.”
And for the record, I'm well aware that I myself am an offending party to some, hopefully not all, of my friends. I'm the annoying person with the grainy concert videos on her Instagram stories (which, I have just learned, NO ONE wants to watch. Sorry!) and the one, who posts one too many holiday pictures. So I hereby apologize for oversharing, vow to go easy on the concert content in the future and give you permission to mute. But only if that means I'll see you for more regular after works – where I can show you footage from that great concert I went to.
There is one more reason to mute people, other than simply being annoyed by too much baby, gym or concert content. It's to save your self esteem from blow after blow – because there's a very fine line between "inspiration" and "envy". Just this weekend, Daisy Buchanan published a raw, brilliant article on being envious of your friends and how social media only intensifies it:
"It is difficult not to be tormented by a sense of scarcity when the having of others is so well and endlessly documented online. For a long time, I thought this documentation was supposed to be inspiring. (...) But then the doubts would creep in. Why didn’t I think of that? Why haven’t I done it already?"
Lesson: Mute whatever doesn't bring you joy – and don't be offended when others mute you.
📚 My first #popculturepleasure of the week ties in neatly with the topic of harmful social media. It's the novel "Adults" by Emma Jane Unsworth. It's a book about the toxic relationship between a thirtysomething woman and Instagram – and it's a book, which I bought immediately after Dolly Alderton (who could sell anything to me, really) posted it on Instagram, captioned: "The best proof I read in 2019 is out now". Oh, the irony!
Anyway, it was a fantastic read. It took me a while to understand Dolly's enthusiasm, but once I made it through the first third of the book, I couldn't put it down. Its core topic is digital addiction, which is brutally relatable in some aspects and hilariously satirical in others. What really got me though was the exploration of relationships in the age of self promotion – romantic and platonic ones.
⭐️ More #popculturepleasures, which have nothing to do with Instagram:
Do I actually still have to recommend "How to Fail" episodes, or have you all subscribed to the podcast by now? In the latest episode, Elizabeth Day meets Irish bestselling author Marian Keyes and these two women have a wonderfully heartfelt and sincere conversation about low self esteem, writing, addiction and sexism. Marian Keyes is an absolute inspiration and this quote of hers really stuck with me: "If a man writes a book about emotions, he's writing about the human condition. If a woman writes a book about emotions, she's writing a fluffy soap opera."
The Washington Post published a photo series about the "Cowgirls of Color", the only all-black, all-female rodeo squad in the USA. These women are breaking barriers, inspiring black girls all across the country and bringing diversity into a traditionally very white, very male, very privileged sport. Yeehaw!
If you've been kind enough to watch my grainy concert stories, this is old news – but I recently went to see Missincat live, because I absolutely adore her new album. Which is her first one in Italian. Which is probably why I adore it so much. 🇮🇹
This is it for now! I really appreciate you taking the time to read this newsletter, and if you enjoyed it, please share it with your friends and neighbours. Thank you! Next week I'll give Instagram a rest, I swear.
Have a lovely week,
Anna